Monday, April 27, 2009

Another Day

Well it's almost 5 a.m. Bill just left for work. I will get ready for school shortly. Each day is getting harder. Just trying to control the pain. I have to get through 4 more weeks of school.
Just standing on my feet is painul. Driving is worse.
But, praise God I am alive another day!!!

Ali came yesterday and she and Livi spent the day w/ me. Yea!!
Livi is growing my leaps and bounds. Se is holding her head up and looking around. She is watching the dogs and giggling. She hears my voice and responds.

She really responds when she hears her mommy's!

She looks like Ali when she was a baby with the dark hair. Brings back so many memories. Where does the time go? It makes me want to scream at the world.........Slow Down! Take care to love and appreciate one another! But who would listen? Everyone has an agenda. So much to do.
Like it will matter in the long run.......

Making memories.. loving the ones we are with... thats whats important.
Everyone is always searching for something.. someone better........

Anyway.. I need to get showered and get at it... The weather is beautiful and God is good.. Amen!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Busy day

Today was grandparents day at school. How fun! It it so fun to watch the excitement on the kids faces when they see their gandparents arrive. :). Some of them went to church together and then they came back for snacks and a visit. I pray that some day I am able to go to Livi's school for a day like this!! Until then , one day at a time. It is a beautiful spring day. 78 degrees. Whoo hoo! I am cold so much these days. Its soooooooo nice to be warm!

I am going through some pictures I tool this morning and just resting a bit.

Bill will be home tonight and we will have the weekend.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My kids at school......

My kids at school keep me going. They are so innocent. They require a lot of energy but I always feel like the time i spend with them actually matters. There are only a few weeks of school left. I just can't imagine not going back there. Every day is harder than the one before but i never regret going. These guys are always happy to see me, always say they love me and miss me..who could ask for anything more?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Making Decisions

Last week when I saw the gyn oncologist she confirmed that the cancer is back and in my lymph nodes. She told me that there are 2 different forms of chemo that we can try. She said that neither of these is going to cure me. After a recurrence like this I only have a 30% chance of the treatment slowing down the growth. She gave me a file of papers to read and told me to call her when I had made a decision.

Great -

a Clinical Trial - this one will make me nauseous and I will sleep all the time. I take 4 pills a day for 5 days a least I will not be bald when I sleep...geash..........I guess they can just lay Livi beside me and we can nap........ and nap.........and nap...........

Or I can have a port put in and go 5 days a week for IV chemo... come home .. get sick and sleep .. and be bald.........

Well, I read and re read the info and made what I guess is the best decision for now.........

I go on the 29th of May for tests.. If my heart is strong enough, I begin the clinical trial on June 1.

After 4 weeks, I go for tests to see whats happenning. If it gets bad or I don't respond, they can switch me to the other one.

who knows.. they are both a shot in the dark..right?

I am trying to get through the next next few weeks. School is out the 28th of May. This may be my last year of teaching. I want to finish!

I feel as though in a few weeks my life will be over...I won't be any good to anyone.
There is so much to do! So much time I want to spend with everyone. I know that everyone can't put a hold on their lives (I would never want them to) but I feel like time is slipping away.

My Livi.. her life is just beginning.. I want her to know how much I love her!! She won't even remember me!! I feel like I have to do something. But what!?!

Oh my thoughts get so jumbled.. I pray Lord.. give me peace...

My children

As you can see from my photo my precious little Livia. She is 3 months old today.She was born on my 50th Birthday.
What a present! My daughter Ali, was born on my mothers birthday! It's a family tradition. haha.

My children have been the greatest gift the Lord has ever given. Through thick and thin we have stuck together. I was a young mother and grew up with my kids. I made lots of mistakes but I always, always loved my kids. I hope they know that!

My oldest son Scott, went home to be with the Lord on May 19, 2006. He was only 29 years old. In his short life, he acomplished more than most of us do in a long lifetime. He was an awesome man! He was a genelogist. He knew how very important family is. He knew the importance of doing things right the first time.

My son Joshua.. ny rock ... More like me than he would like to admit..
His love of the Lord and strong faith are such an inspiration. He is so smart. Anytime I have a question about anything, I ask Josh. He is a hard working man with so much integrity.

My daughter.. my little girl.. she would not like me saying that.. she is a grown woman.
A hard working woman. She is such a good mother. I am so very prous of her!

Penny's Life Today

This is my first post and I am not really sure how I am going to do this.
Facing big changes in my life, I thought that it might be interesting to post my thoughts.
I think it will be a good release for me and perhaps at some point, bring peace to my family and friends.