Sunday, May 3, 2009

Making Ourselves Happy

If there is one thing I have come to realize it is that we have to make ourselves happy.

I think that we all believe (especially girls) that someday we will meet prince charming and he will make everything right w/ the world. Then when he lets us down our world comes crashing down around us.
I was one of those girls. I got married young to my high school sweetheart. Started a family young. It didn't take long to realize that there was no happiness here. We were too young. We didn't have a clue what we were doing and most of all, we were not happy spending all of our time together. What we wanted out of life were two very different things. Not to mention the fact that he could be abusive when things were not going his way.
So I was there with 3 babies trying to get my life going going in the direction it needed to go for all our sakes. Thank goodness for my mom and dad.

Well the years were not easy (My kids can testify to that) but there was always light at the end of the tunnel praise God and I soon realized that my happiness was found in those children.

What a blessing they were. Two boys (each very different people) but both precious and my daughter. Everything important I have learned in life (aside from what the Lord has shown me) came from them.
Well the years went by and the kids grew up. My oldest son, Scott was a research genealogist. People from all over the world came to him to help find their roots. He was accurate, articulate and oh so very funny. He had a heart as big as all outdoors. And like me, he found happiness in children. In the little stuff. I speak of him in past tense because he went home to the Lord on May 19, 2006. He suffered for over three years with gastroparesis. Unable to eat he had a feeding tube for over two of those years. He literally starved to death. He started as a hearty 250 lb. man and weighed around 80 lbs when we passed away. But through all of this his focus was on life. On what made himself and more importantly those around him happy. He never stopped living. On the day he died he drove himself to the doctor and some errands. What a role model for me! Oh how can I allow myself to give up????? Every time I try I hear his voice say "I love you mama.. keep going.. its not time yet. "But oh.. how hard it gets. How my heart longs to be with him at times.
But then, there is my other son. My handsome Joshua. Josh is 28 years old now. So much like his mama. He is hard working man. Interested in everything life has to offer, dabbles in it all. (He is a supervisor at Polaris Lab.) He goes to school and takes care of his wife Rachel and his home. My mother also lives with him and he takes care of her at times. How proud I am of him!! He calls me everyday to see what I need.
And my beautiful Ali. Good things come to those who wait. After 2 beautiful boys the Lord blessed me with a 6 lb. 8 oz. beautiful baby girl. And she has grown in to a beautiful independent woman whom I am very proud of. She is currently working on her masters degree. She is married to Dennis and on January 20, 2009 (my 50th birthday) she gave me the most wonderful present a mom could ever receive. My first grand baby!!!!! Livia Claire Parmley was born shortly before midnight. I was there waiting to lay my eyes on her and be there for my daughter. Who was brave and did not need mom at all. My beautiful Livi is 3 months old now and the spitting image of her mama (w/ a little of daddy thrown in there) haha. She gives me a reason to go on... to be happy...

My children are all grown up now.. so proud they make me...

I live with my best friend Bill. He is a military man. He served in Afghanistan in 2006- 2007.
a man with integrity. He works hard and helps take very good care of me. He has a 11 month old grandson (Jayden) whom he graciously shares with me. Jayden is beautiful. He is learning to walk and talk. Here's a picture of him an grandpa taken a couple months ago.

I look around and i have so much to be grateful for . My heart longs for things it does not have,
my Scotty, my health, money etc. but oh how much I do have.My little ones at school also remind every day that happiness comes from within.

The Lord has blessed me with so much

As I look at the window at the beautiful spring green and hear the songs of the morning birds, I am reminded of a favorite song.

"How can I keep from singing?"

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing so intimately of your innermost thoughts and feelings. What a precious dear lady you are. I am so thankful to call you my friend. Have a blessed Sunday.

    Many hugs............