Saturday, May 16, 2009


  1. Today is Saturday. Another lonely day. I don't feel like doing my household chores or running errands like I would do on a normal Saturday. I slept until nearly 10:00 this morning! (well after I got Bill off to work at 5) The pain in my leg was bad so I took a pain pill and rested until it took effect. Then I was able to meander to the shower and get dressed for the day.
  2. This week was the school musical. My niece Karli (w/ blue sash) is in 5th grade. She and other kids worked so hard on this. It was adorable! Seems like yesterday that my kids were in these little productions.
  3. Kids... they keep me going. It's their innocence and appreciation for the small things in life. They accept me fro who I am. Karli is 10 years old now. My goodness. She was just a baby when my mom underwent emergency surgery for a perforated bowel and was in intensive care for months. Karli came to know me as "mammaw" and it stuck. She and her little sister Hannah (6) are like grand babies to me. They go to school where I teach so i get to see them every day.
  4. We only have 7 more days of school I hope I make it. Every day is harder than the day before. My aid Wendy; has been a trooper. I sit and direct traffic and she guides them.
  5. The weather is supposed to be nice this week. I hope that I feel like going outdoors w/ the kids. 7 more days.. then my treatments begin........I am anxious, nervous, excited, scared..
  6. I feel like my life will be ending and I am praying for it to be starting all at the same time.
  7. I know in my heart that there is no end to thus ugly cancer, I just keep praying for more time. More time to see Karli and Hannah grow, more time to get to know Livia and Jayden and have them get to know me..more time to be w/ Ali and Josh.. More time to be w/ Bill... with mom..
  8. Am I being selfish? I don't deserve more time any more than anyone else and if I get more time will I just be more of a burden to my family and friends?
  9. Already it is hard on them. I can't keep house like I need to or cook... when I go anywhere I need help... yet I can't give up.. I keep praying that tomorrow will be better....

1 comment:

  1. Believe me when I say your family is praying just as hard as are you! NO, you are not being selfish. They want and need you here with them for as long as you can be. The day will come when the memories you are making with them now is all they will have. You know how precious those memories are. Don't rob them of those memories. Keep fighting until the Lord tells you it's time to go. You will know when that time comes. Terry struggled with the same emotions as do you. I told him exactly what I am telling you. When the time came, he said to me "Di, you were right. It's time now. The Lord will call me soon." Within two weeks, Terry got that call and now I treasure all those times I had to give him his bath or feed him or even wipe his behind for him. They are precious to me. Those times will be just as precious to your family. I promise. I love you.

    Many hugs.........