Today is Saturday. Another lonely day. I don't feel like doing my household chores or running errands like I would do on a normal Saturday. I slept until nearly 10:00 this morning! (well after I got Bill off to work at 5) The pain in my leg was bad so I took a pain pill and rested until it took effect. Then I was able to meander to the shower and get dressed for the day.
- This week was the school musical. My niece Karli (w/ blue sash) is in 5th grade. She and other kids worked so hard on this. It was adorable! Seems like yesterday that my kids were in these little productions.
- Kids... they keep me going. It's their innocence and appreciation for the small things in life. They accept me fro who I am. Karli is 10 years old now. My goodness. She was just a baby when my mom underwent emergency surgery for a perforated bowel and was in intensive care for months. Karli came to know me as "mammaw" and it stuck. She and her little sister Hannah (6) are like grand babies to me. They go to school where I teach so i get to see them every day.
- We only have 7 more days of school I hope I make it. Every day is harder than the day before. My aid Wendy; has been a trooper. I sit and direct traffic and she guides them.
- The weather is supposed to be nice this week. I hope that I feel like going outdoors w/ the kids. 7 more days.. then my treatments begin........I am anxious, nervous, excited, scared..
- I feel like my life will be ending and I am praying for it to be starting all at the same time.
- I know in my heart that there is no end to thus ugly cancer, I just keep praying for more time. More time to see Karli and Hannah grow, more time to get to know Livia and Jayden and have them get to know me..more time to be w/ Ali and Josh.. More time to be w/ Bill... with mom..
- Am I being selfish? I don't deserve more time any more than anyone else and if I get more time will I just be more of a burden to my family and friends?
- Already it is hard on them. I can't keep house like I need to or cook... when I go anywhere I need help... yet I can't give up.. I keep praying that tomorrow will be better....